I was thinking of this after someone close to me e-mailed me and it got me thinking.....We don't miss something or feel the need to feel a void if we already have it....it's simple I know...Why do I long for a male figure to look up to, because I don't have one but why don't I long for a woman figure to look up to, because I have it, it's already taken care of and secured. So I don't grieve about the void because there isn't one.

I know my blogs have been wierd but I'm deep in thought right now, looking to improve, looking to be different, seeking what's missing, holding on to what's there, trying to love someone, I could easily hate. Trying to keep my head above water, trying to figure out relationships and the lost of some. Trying to fit into the big world and it's harder than it looked before. Feeling guilty for disappointing and always disappointing it seems, Looking for answers before forming the questions. Eating way too much snowcones...Getting Tweets every 1 minute....but that's not the point....back on track....just trying to make it all work out....when really I don't need to.Friends shifting, phone calls missed, Family far away....I have a life in Oklahoma and I wouldn't trade but I'm forgetting to include my life back in Indiana too. I'm learning and making a lot of mistakes along the way....it's life....

I love God and he loves an imperfect me....

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I know that this may be a blog some people could find offensive but I'm not really sorry. I am researching New Age right Now and I'm seeing more and more why Americans are drawn to it. DUH It gives people a reason to look to themselves and be worshippers of themselves. It's all about mind, body and spirit. but what about God.....What about his healing, comfort and desires for you......It's just another ploy to promote selfishness over our lives. The alarms are sounding in my mind as I realize that there is a New age book being read by loved ones. I am not saying that I don't fight with this new age stuff in my life....trust I wake up in selfness....its something that must be broken off our lives daily!!! thats why Paul says I must die to myself each day and pick up my cross and follow him. Eckhart Tolle......his book is Eatern Teachings repackaged.....sorry if you reading the book and finding your lifes purpose.....He makes great points and mean that but if you start looking to yourself for enpowerment and purpose instead of the God who created you then you have stepped into a life of selfishness. It's not ABOUT YOU OR ME!!!!!!!!!!

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In Memphis, Tennessee, a woman is not to drive a car unless a man warns approaching motorists or pedestrians by walking in front of the car that is being driven.

Ok I know my dad alway said that woman were inferior and women couldn't drive but this is going over board!!!! First they have to warn people that a woman is on the road and two if the woman is such a bad driver, why would you risk your life by standing in front of the car while she is driving? anyways I just don't understand some people....and my dad isn't correct either......but he is loved......anywho...We are going to Kansas this weekend and I'm pretty stoked!!!!

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I have to say that I've let to much of myself show...I have left Jesus in the background so much...

Anyways, I lost what I was going to say actually, I need to do some recruiting stuff and hopefully we will have some new students coming in!!!

I know my title means something and wandering....it's simple this It's not about me and what I want....It's about Jesus and others. I should disappear from the entire situation...I don't want to be seen anymore.

We have three students accepted!!!! Congrats Nathan, Chelsea, and Michelle!!!!! I can't wait to meet you and be on a team with you next year!!!

I'm learning.....FAITH

Next year is going to be awesome!!!! I pray I never forget that to be a leader, you must always continue to serve.

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Well we worked at Church of the Harvest on Tuesday and I got to clean and organize which I find fun....I also sent out an acceptance letter.....Congrats Chelsea!!! Then off to the Snowcone Stand I went!!! It was quite uneventful but thats just because I didn't really work because I went home early and left Ash workin hard for the money!!! LOL anyways...I'm really excited about graduation and this summer!!! I'm going to be a nanny for a family at the church!!! They are such a great family!! The girls are so cute.....Sarah, Hannah and Lydia are their names!!! Anyways I was thinking the other day about Renee our directors wife and I just love her so much, she is the sweetest person and the kids are great! I really miss Judah......I really love where I am and I love the people at the church and the Church.....

well until next time.....Love, peace and smelly socks.....

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The dream that births within me

The thing that eats at my heart

The longing to feel the embrace of a father

The revelation that pours from my lips

the mistakes I make

The correction I deserve

The i'm sorries to be made

The love to be shown

The smiles to be worn

The hair that needs help

The shoes that are lost and need to be found

The heart that aches

The heart thats healed

The beauty of a savior

The beauty of imperfection......

all this worn today and left at the feet of someone greater.....

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Well we are heading to Pampa, Texas today for a rockin service at Scott's home church.....I think a few of us are excited about the southern draw and others, well not so much!!! I personally love the south!!! We will probably do a monologue, a human video and some speakers!!! all in all it will be a good service! Anyways, about my blog yesterday , everything is good not awesome but good!!!! This to shall past! But no worries I'm still smiling!!!

and Coca cola is going kosher every year for passover!!! Crazy huh!!! 

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Snowcone

My first day at the snow Cone Stand!!! I learned how to make the cones and the flavors!!! I can't wait to go to work today!!! I like snow cones!!!

Jigsaw puzzle

Ok this isn't the fun part of my blog....honestly I have a hard time with not having my dad around sometimes.....and I know, I know all the scriptures about how Jesus fills the void and how God is ABBA FATHER and I know it's true and real in my life!!! I love God and He does a great job making me feel loved and whole....Though I miss the hugs, the presence of a Dad. I think of when I start dating and who's going to be there with the shotgun(not really) making sure his little girl is ok and her heart is guarded and safe. But at least.....I really know actually....I love you Jesus with all of my heart! 

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Our relationship with God compared to Glass Blowing?....wait this will make sense...

Glass blowing= liquid that is blown into through a long tube

God forms us to be used for different things, just like glass is form for different purposes.

1. Free Blowing= willing to be used....flexible

2. Mold blowing= stuborn but willing....you must be pressed to get to where your ready to be

3. Remolding a piece= needed to be remolding for the next step...get the junk out....season of waiting

God wants to make us so hot but sometimes we resist and cool off to this fragile state where we want to break.

theres a point where the glass can be touched and stretch and God is stretching us.

the furnaces

1. the furnace= heat up

2. the reheat oven= reheat and reform

3. the lair= cool glass

the vasts are formed to hold things and thats what we are called to do.

there will be times when you felt so broken but its the time when you are being remolded....

Never lose the feelings you had in Masters Commission.

we will break but God will pick up the pieces because those pieces are not trash to God and he will reform and reshape.

why do you have to be reheat?   

 Because your never finished

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Enjoying the sun Joy= something or someone that provides a source of happiness; "a joy to behold"; "the pleasure of his company" The Joy of the Lord is your Strength.... I didn't realize this until reasonly that through my life people have complimented me and talked about this joy I have on my life....One memory I have of it happening was when I lived with my dad and Ms. Ashley(my teacher) would always talk about this joy I had and I even got an award for it. I never understood why because at that time I lived in a bad situation and I really hated the world and had nothing to be joyful about!!! But God knew I needed on my life, even though I didn't know him at that time....it amazes me how God prepares you even before you become His son or daughter. He cared so much for me that He was placing things over my life.....though I hated God....wow....a side note...I'm still grasping that concept at this moment....I love God, so much and I'm on the verge of tears thinking about everythings He's done and I go through the bits and pieces of my life and find something new He did for me to prepare me to follow Him..... I have a Joy over my life.....my laughter, my Smile.....brings joy.   Now a random quote..... ENJOY LIFE, IT'S NOT DRESS REHEARSEL.

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