84 posts from 2008

I love MAsters Commision and I love the new thing I'm trying in my life....called stop stressing out and calmdown! It's wonderful! Hide and Seek is going to do some pretty cool stuff! We have our first Girls Service in November and I'm planning a girls retreat and a Big event for the Women of church and Hide and Seek! I'm tellin ya I could shout rught now in a good way of course!

I the girls are great and michelle and Chelsea is wonderful!

September 25, 2008

 as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
should that be all i’ll ever need
or is there more i’m looking for

and should i read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
to make me handsome, rich, and wise
is that really what you want

(chorus)
i am a whore i do confess
but i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
i’m a prodigal with no way home
but i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to you

so could you love this bastard child
though i don’t trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side
i am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers less wild
that i would take a little cash
over your very flesh and blood

(chorus)

Ok...I just have to say that I forget so many times.

I forget to pick my stuff up and sometimes I even forget

assignments. I forget to respect people and I also forget how

to shut up sometimes. Ok...Ok....seriously I forget to honor

God because I'm to busy doing the work of God. It's a very sad truth.

Someone asked me what I wanted God to do in my life this year and I had no answer

but I could tell you what he wanted to do in Hide and Seek and in others lives and even on the team.

I still hear God and get words for people but I forget to get my word.

So sit and ponder what I want God to do.... 

Ever been required to write a blog and when you sit down to do it, you relieze that you didn't have anything cool to write about?

But that's not where I'm at....HA yeah it is actually....I'm a second year in mc this year and its my last year!

I like hanging out with my friends and my friend Ashley got herself a boyfriend and didn't tell me but it's all good...he seems like a good guy....but we will see *be afraid be very afraid*

HA! also Sharayah and Will go out....weird. kidding, just kidding

Belinda is back in Oklahoma and stole my future husband..... ; ) it's a really sad time in my life

Rachael is coming home....what what

I have a secret....do you know what it is?

Sometimes I don't read my Bible

Sometimes I let the day slip away without praying....

Sometimes I'm selfish

Sometimes I even cuss in my head(not out loud)

Sometimes I put things before God

Sometimes I want what others have

Some would call me a bad Christian, a failure in the Eyes of God. I see a sinner that became a daughter. The sin is there and the mistakes are there but I'm still a daughter.

My two new friends call the "christian" group they hang with great and we don't do anything wrong and compared to them we may be perfect. It's so not true. Here are a list of things I should do and shouldn't do but do anyways.....whose the perfect christian now.....not me and I'm really ok without that because without a need for Jesus' saving grace for my mistakes.....what did he come for?

and the title I'll be 20 in December but the title sounded cool so I used it!

Peace, Love and a bible I could read right now!

Jess

I was having a convo during lunch today with Brad and Stacy and we were talking about where were when this happened....and so on. after all you will never forget where you were the when the towers were hit, when the bomb when off in Oklahoma City, or the shootings at Columbine and Virginia Tech. So where were you, what did you think? What was the first thing you did?

September 11, 2001 I was in Choir class and everything stopped we turned on the tv and watched. We had to move to our next class but we watched in silence and watched the second plane hit. All you heard was my for Courtney crying about she realized her uncle was working there. I'll never forget

Oklahoma City Bombing- I was five and didn't understand the impact of what a bomb was but I remember being sad. I'll never forget

Columbine Shooting- I remember seeing footage but tv of students running out of a school and a lot of kids didn't go to school the next day. I remember being inspired by peoples story.

Virginia Tech- I was in high School and didn't even know about the shooting until after school but school had put us on lockdown for an hour but didn't know why. I'll never forget.

There are more things that happened and they are all important but I remember these.

I've made some friends while living in Oklahoma and have met some rad people! (do people even say rad anymore?)

But Two friends I've made resenty have impacted my life so much and they don't even know it. Cale and James(Zacks friends....I kid I kid) The first time I met James I couldn't stand him and I thought he was a big jerk(not at all the case now) and The first time I met Cale I just couldn't figure him out.(Still the case sometimes) and they aren't MC Kids(Bless the Lord) They miss church, have tatoos(in my opinion tatoo's aren't wrong) ride motorcycles and call themselves bad compared to the church people they hang with....But they impart so much into my life and James has this natural flow of wisdom about him and it just comes out. Cale is a good guy and I know a little about him but he is strong and when he speaks about his life and his past, you can see the Godgiven strength that he has.

I could go on and on about these two guys....They came to church tonight and it was cool to see them and hang for a minute! Do I want them to see God in a deeper way....well yeah but more than that I just want them to know that they are great just the way they are....its as simple as that. They know God and I bet they even have a better connection with God than I do sometimes....I just love these guys and I think James should make me take a ride on his motorcycle......I think i'm ready!!!!(Mom I'm going to ride a mtorcycle, are you excited?) LOL

God teaches you, your biggest lesson, though the people you least expect it from.

Peace, love and Harley Davidson......

SHOW US WHAT COLLEGE TEAM YOUR CHEERING ON THIS SEASON....

This a complicated one.....

See by default I have to cheer for the Hoosiers because I'm a Hoosier myself....so

First would be Indiana State Hoosiers!

But here's the thing.....I really like the Ohio Buckeyes....a lot!

Then a new love has formed....I love the OU Sooners.....

Well at least they are all Red.....If you would have asked for pro it would have been so much better.....

I'm reading a book called Captivating and it's one of the books that the girls in Masters will be reading this year!

I'm utterly speechles when it comes to this book! It points out a girls desire to be beautiful and captivating....and it starts with your parents and it has you look back at the past and I balled! I my one desire is to be good enough, but I never get there! things that I find myself doing and thinking are completely explained in this book....I want to fit any mold I can so maybe someone will like enough, I don't like being in the way, I feel guilty about everything.

I've been so ashamed to say things about how I felt.....I mean how can you be called Confidence but then tell everyone that inside you feel gross and ugly but your deepest desire is to be beautiful, good enough....Captivating. People have told me over and over again that I'm a people-pleaser, I'm scared of rejection......it's true, it's all true. I lash out at people I love the most if they get to close. I see myself as a mess...and maybe I am....I'm not writing this to play victim....I want to change it.....be who God desires me to be and It's much better than all this. I thought I was over the past....but maybe just because you forgive, the pain doesn't go away. The wounds are still there, even if people say they shouldn't.

After this and rereading what I wrote I wonder how the MC team deals with me! LOL

They are good people!

How my family dealt with me, I have no idea but I think my mom had the right idea! She always called my Pretty Girl and it gets me everytime!

I had more to wirte but I'm crying and I'm getting red and my cheeks are raw! Gross I know! Oh the nose is red too!

Sorry I need some humor!

Goal one: Stop saying sorry all the time!    It drives everyone crazy and I must running life on blame and guilt!

Please Help and if you catch me doing it!

Until next time....Make someone feel beautiful and Captivating today!